I heard it in a video recently, and I wrote it down as a mental reminder for myself.
And, of course, because I’m the Resident Overthinker, I immediately started thinking about it.
The woman in the video was young, beautiful, and had a lot going for her. But the older woman she was talking to picked up on something pretty quickly.
She didn’t believe it.
She didn’t seem to see herself the way other people were seeing her.
Her body language, her tone, even the way she spoke about herself seemed unsure.
And the woman basically told her:
You don’t believe it. That’s the problem.
She encouraged her to work on her confidence, use affirmations, journal, and even consider therapy.
Then she said the line that stayed with me:
“When people compliment you, accept it.”
Whew.
Because that is something I am still working on.
And I’d say I’m probably about 80% better than I used to be.
I finally learned how to say thank you.
That might sound like a very small thing.
But if you’ve ever struggled with confidence, you know it isn’t always that simple.
Someone says:
“You look beautiful.”
And instead of:
“Thank you.”
You say:
“Oh, this old thing?”
Or:
“I didn’t even do anything to my hair today.”
Or:
“Really? You think so?”
Or you immediately start explaining why the compliment isn’t really true.
I’ve done all of it.
And sometimes I still catch myself doing it.
But I’ve gotten much better at simply saying:
Thank you.
No explanation.
No questioning them.
No trying to convince them that they’re wrong.
No immediately handing the compliment back.
Just:
Thank you.
A few weeks ago, I caught myself.
A young woman told me she liked my shoes.
Then she said something along the lines of, “You look nice today.”
And what came out of my mouth?
“I’m trying.”
The moment I said it, I regretted it.
Because what did that even mean?
I’m trying?
Trying to look nice?
Trying to feel good?
Trying to become the woman I want to be?
Apparently all of the above.
But really, she gave me a compliment.
And instead of simply receiving it, I felt the need to qualify it.
That’s how I knew I’m still working on this.
Why do we do that?
Why is it sometimes easier to give a compliment than receive one?
Why can we tell someone else they’re beautiful, talented, smart, stylish, funny, kind, hardworking, or deserving…
but when someone says those things about us, we suddenly need evidence?
We question it.
We minimize it.
We laugh it off.
We explain it away.
Maybe somewhere along the way, some of us learned to be uncomfortable with being seen in a positive light.
Maybe we were taught not to think too highly of ourselves.
Maybe compliments make us feel vulnerable.
Maybe we’re still trying to become the person someone else already sees.
Whatever the reason, I think there’s something worth practicing here.
Let people say nice things about you.
If someone tells you they like your outfit…
Thank them.
If someone says you look beautiful…
Thank them.
If someone compliments your work…
Thank them.
If someone tells you that you’re a good mother, a good friend, a good wife, a good daughter, a good employee, a good leader, or simply a good person…
Let them say it.
You don’t have to argue with them.
You don’t have to convince them otherwise.
And you certainly don’t have to immediately tell them all the reasons they’re wrong.
Maybe they’re seeing something in you that you’re still learning to see in yourself.
And that’s okay.
Accepting a compliment doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect.
This is important.
Saying “thank you” doesn’t mean you believe you’re the most beautiful person in the room.
It doesn’t mean you think you’re better than anyone else.
It doesn’t mean you have everything figured out.
It simply means you’re allowing yourself to receive something kind that someone else chose to give you.
That’s it.
And honestly, I think there’s something beautiful about being able to receive kindness without immediately pushing it away.
I’m still a work in progress.
I’m not going to pretend that one day I woke up and suddenly became completely confident.
I didn’t.
There are still moments when I catch myself shrinking.
There are still moments when I question whether someone really means what they said.
There are still moments when that old instinct to explain myself shows up.
But now I recognize it.
And recognition gives me an opportunity to do something different.
Instead of:
“Are you sure?”
I can say:
“Thank you.”
Instead of:
“I’m trying.”
I can say:
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
Instead of finding a reason the compliment isn’t deserved…
I can simply let it land.
Maybe confidence isn’t always about walking into a room believing you’re the most beautiful, smartest, or most talented person there.
Maybe sometimes confidence looks like being able to hear something good about yourself…
and not arguing with it.
A Note for Today
The next time someone compliments you, resist the urge to explain it away.
Don’t question them.
Don’t minimize it.
Don’t immediately tell them why they’re wrong.
Just take a breath and say:
Thank you.
You don’t have to believe every compliment immediately.
You don’t have to feel completely confident.
You can still be figuring yourself out.
But you can practice allowing yourself to receive something good.
Because maybe one day, the compliment won’t feel like something you need to convince yourself to believe.
Maybe it’ll simply feel like someone else noticed what you’re finally beginning to see too.
The weather is changing, the leaves are starting to change colors, and suddenly it feels like fall is really here.
The sweaters are coming out.
The boots are coming back into rotation.
Pumpkin patches are popping up.
Fall festivals are happening.
Halloween decorations are going up.
People are making plans, pulling out recipes, baking, cooking, shopping, decorating, and starting to think about the holidays that are somehow right around the corner.
And before we get too caught up in everything that’s coming, I want to take a moment to say:
Hello, October.
And welcome to another season.
A Few Notes From September
Before we jump completely into a new month, let’s look back at a few notes that resonated the most with Overthinkers Notes readers last month.
These were the top five most-viewed notes from September:
1. 50 Mental Sticky Notes for Life Fifty little reminders for the days when you need a little perspective, encouragement, or simply a reminder to give yourself some grace.
2. Those Feelings Aren’t Yours Someone else’s fear, anxiety, frustration, or opinion doesn’t automatically have to become yours. You can care about what someone else is feeling without taking it on as your own.
3. Be Careful Who You Take Advice From Not every person who has an opinion has the experience to guide you where you’re trying to go. Sometimes the best advice comes from someone who has actually walked the road you’re considering.
5. Be Brave Enough to Start Something New You don’t have to be good at something before you begin. Sometimes you simply have to be brave enough to be a beginner.
I heard a one-liner this weekend while binging my recorded soap opera, and I had to pause the show.
Yes, a soap opera.
Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unexpected places.
There was a scene where a sister went to visit her brother. She walked into his office, greeted him, and instead of getting a warm hello in return, he snapped back at her with a short, irritated response that was basically, Great. You’re here.
You could feel the attitude through the television.
And her response?
She looked at him and said something along the lines of:
“Ewww. Someone’s having a bad day, and I didn’t do it to you. So I’m going to sit here and tell you what I came to tell you anyway.”
I immediately paused the show.
Then I turned to my husband and said, “That’s a word.”
Because it is.
I’ve been sitting with that line ever since.
I didn’t do it.
How many times have we walked into a room in a perfectly good mood, only to encounter someone else’s bad mood?
And somehow, within minutes, we’re in a bad mood too.
Someone speaks to us with an attitude.
Someone gives us a short response.
Someone rolls their eyes.
Someone is clearly irritated.
Someone makes a comment that has nothing to do with us, but we start wondering if it somehow does.
And before we know it, we’re carrying around an emotion that didn’t even belong to us when we woke up that morning.
I’ve done it.
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
As overthinkers, we can be especially good at this.
We hear a tone and immediately start analyzing it.
What did I do?
Did I say something?
Are they mad at me?
Was that comment directed at me?
Did I do something wrong?
Meanwhile, the person could have had a terrible morning, received bad news, gotten into an argument, had a stressful day at work, or simply woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
And none of it had anything to do with us.
That’s the part I loved.
The sister didn’t immediately absorb her brother’s mood.
She noticed it.
She acknowledged it.
And then she kept going.
“Someone’s having a bad day, and I didn’t do it.”
That is such a simple way to separate someone else’s feelings from your own.
I didn’t cause it.
I don’t have to fix it.
And I don’t have to carry it.
Now, that doesn’t mean we should ignore people when they’re hurting or refuse to consider that our actions may have affected someone.
Sometimes we do play a part.
And when we do, we should be willing to listen, take responsibility, apologize, and make things right.
But when you know you didn’t participate in whatever created that person’s mood?
You don’t have to volunteer for the job of carrying it.
Someone else’s reaction doesn’t automatically become your responsibility.
This is something I’m learning more and more as I get older.
Not every tone requires an investigation.
Not every attitude requires a response.
Not every bad mood needs to become your bad mood.
And not every negative comment needs to become something you spend the rest of the day thinking about.
Sometimes you can simply observe it and say to yourself:
That’s theirs.
And keep moving.
I think there’s something incredibly freeing about being able to recognize, Oh, they’re having a moment.
Instead of:
Oh no. What did I do?
There’s a difference.
One puts you in the middle of something that may have nothing to do with you.
The other allows you to remain where you were.
In your own peace.
In your own mood.
In your own life.
We don’t have to match someone’s energy.
If someone is irritated, we don’t have to become irritated.
If someone is short with us, we don’t have to become short with them.
If someone is having a bad day, we don’t have to join them.
And if someone decides to throw their mood in our direction, we don’t automatically have to catch it.
Sometimes the healthiest response is simply:
I see what’s happening. And I’m not taking it personally because I didn’t do it.
That’s the lesson I took from a soap opera this weekend.
And honestly?
I’m keeping it.
Because the next time somebody’s mood changes the temperature in the room, I want to remember that I don’t have to change with it.
I can notice it without absorbing it.
I can care without carrying it.
I can give someone grace without giving them control over my mood.
And sometimes I can simply remind myself:
Ewww. Someone’s having a bad day.
And I didn’t do it.
So I’m going to keep being me anyway.
A Note for Today
Before you take someone’s reaction personally, pause and ask yourself:
Did I actually do something?
If the answer is no, you might not need to fix anything.
You might just need to let their mood belong to them.
I was watching a video recently where a young woman was talking about losing herself after a breakup.
She was trying to figure out how to motivate herself to get back to her.
And as I listened to her, I started thinking about something.
There is so much content out here about self-care.
Mental health.
Glow-ups.
Healing.
Self-love.
Soft life.
Morning routines.
Night routines.
Bubble baths.
Candles.
Skin care.
Ten-step everything.
And don’t get me wrong…
I enjoy some of that stuff too.
But I had a little light-bulb moment.
Maybe motivational and inspirational reminders need to be constant.
Because self-care isn’t a one-and-done thing.
You don’t do one nice thing for yourself and suddenly you’ve completed self-care.
Self-care is a lifestyle.
It’s something you practice.
Over and over.
And honestly, that applies to spiritual self-care too.
If prayer is important to you, you don’t pray one time and say, “Okay, I’m good for the rest of the year.”
You pray.
You read your Bible.
You journal.
You reflect.
You come back to it.
You need those reminders repeatedly because life keeps happening.
And sometimes?
You don’t need a complicated self-care routine.
You just need to do something.
Go Take a Walk
This one actually takes me back to a conversation my husband and I had while we were walking.
We were talking about how sometimes when you’re feeling sad, angry, confused, overwhelmed, or just emotionally heavy, one of the simplest things you can do is:
Go outside and walk.
And I know.
That sounds almost too simple.
But there’s something about getting out of the house and moving your body that can give you some space from whatever is happening inside your head.
And this is coming from somebody who walks a lot.
Sometimes I’m thinking through something.
Sometimes I’m trying to make a decision.
Sometimes I’m replaying a conversation.
Sometimes I’m trying to figure out why something bothered me.
And sometimes…
I’m just walking.
But by the time I get home, I often have a little more clarity than I did when I left.
That’s one of the things I love about walking.
You’re moving physically while giving yourself room to process mentally.
You don’t have to solve your entire life on the walk.
Just let your thoughts come.
Let some of them go.
Think.
Pray.
Be quiet.
Listen to music if you want.
Or listen to absolutely nothing.
Give yourself some space.
And if you can safely take a longer walk, give yourself the time.
You may come home feeling a little lighter.
Clean Something
Here’s another one that doesn’t get nearly as much attention in the self-care conversation.
Clean your house.
I’m serious.
Sometimes when your mind feels chaotic, having chaos everywhere around you doesn’t exactly help.
Now, I’m not saying a messy house means someone is struggling emotionally.
Life happens.
People have kids.
People work.
People get tired.
Sometimes the laundry pile wins.
I get it.
But there are times when I’ve personally noticed that when my surroundings feel out of control, I feel better when I start putting things back in order.
Wash the clothes.
Change the sheets.
Disinfect the bathroom.
Dust.
Vacuum.
Clean the kitchen.
Clean out a drawer.
Organize the closet.
Clean your car.
You don’t have to deep-clean your entire house in one day.
Pick something.
Create a little order around you.
Sometimes doing something physical and tangible can help you feel like you’re making progress somewhere.
And there’s something satisfying about looking around afterward and thinking:
Okay. At least this is handled.
Eat Something You Actually Enjoy
And let’s talk about food.
Because sometimes self-care isn’t a green smoothie.
Sometimes it’s a meal that makes you feel comforted.
Eat.
Drink some water.
Make yourself something you enjoy.
Order the meal.
Make the sandwich.
Eat the burger.
Have the cake.
I’m not talking about using food as the only way you cope with difficult emotions.
I’m talking about remembering that taking care of yourself includes the basic things we sometimes neglect when we’re emotionally overwhelmed.
Have you eaten?
Have you had water?
Have you been sitting in the same spot for six hours?
Have you showered?
Have you slept?
Sometimes the most basic needs get pushed to the side while we’re busy trying to figure out our feelings.
Take care of the person having the feelings.
That’s you.
Put on Some Music
This one is free.
And you probably already have everything you need.
Put on music.
Turn it up.
Dance if you feel like dancing.
Sing if you feel like singing.
Play something peaceful.
Play something nostalgic.
Play something that makes you feel good.
You don’t have to sit in silence with every emotion.
Sometimes you need to let yourself feel something different.
And sometimes a song can shift the entire atmosphere in a room.
And Yes… Sometimes Pray
For those of us who are spiritual, this matters too.
Pray.
Read your Bible.
Journal.
Sit quietly.
Talk to God.
You don’t have to make it complicated.
Sometimes the prayer is five minutes.
Sometimes it’s an hour.
Sometimes it’s simply:
“Lord, I don’t know what to do right now.”
And that’s enough to start.
Because spiritual self-care, just like physical and emotional self-care, isn’t something you check off a list once.
It’s something you return to.
Self-Care Doesn’t Always Look Pretty
I think this is the part I really want to emphasize.
We have made self-care look so pretty online.
And yes, I love a good candle.
I love a good cup of coffee.
I love getting dressed.
I love skincare.
I love those things.
But sometimes self-care looks like:
Walking around the neighborhood for an hour.
Washing six loads of laundry.
Cleaning out your car.
Eating a meal.
Drinking water.
Going to bed early.
Putting your phone down.
Turning the music up.
Sitting outside.
Calling a friend.
Praying.
Crying.
Taking a shower.
Changing your sheets.
Getting dressed even though you’re not going anywhere.
Opening the curtains.
Taking a break.
And sometimes…
doing absolutely nothing for a little while.
That’s self-care too.
You Don’t Always Need Motivation
This is something else I’ve been thinking about.
Sometimes we keep waiting to feel motivated before we do something.
But maybe motivation isn’t always going to show up first.
Maybe sometimes you have to do the small thing first.
Take the walk.
Wash the dishes.
Open the blinds.
Drink the water.
Take the shower.
Put on clean clothes.
Make the bed.
Say the prayer.
Then see how you feel.
You don’t have to completely turn your life around by lunchtime.
You just need to give yourself an opportunity to feel a little different than you felt when you woke up.
And sometimes one small action leads to another.
The Overthinker’s Reminder
If you’re going through something right now and you don’t feel like yourself, I’m not going to tell you to simply “cheer up.”
I know it doesn’t work like that.
You may need time.
You may need to cry.
You may need to talk to someone.
You may need professional support.
You may need to grieve something.
But while you’re working through it, don’t forget about the simple things you can do today.
Go outside.
Take a walk.
Clean something.
Eat.
Drink some water.
Put on some music.
Take a shower.
Change your sheets.
Call somebody you trust.
Pray.
Rest.
Do something that reminds you that you’re still here.
Because self-care isn’t about creating a perfect life where you never feel sad, angry, anxious, disappointed, or overwhelmed.
It’s about learning how to care for yourself through all of it.
A Note for Today
You don’t have to wait until you feel like yourself again to start taking care of yourself.
Start where you are.
Take the walk.
Clean the room.
Make the meal.
Put on the music.
Open the Bible.
Say the prayer.
Get some sleep.
Step outside.
Do one small thing that feels like you.
And then do another tomorrow.
Because self-care isn’t a one-time event.
It’s a way of showing up for yourself—especially on the days when you don’t feel like it.
There’s a line I’ve started saying to my mom and to a few people I know when we’re talking about family dynamics and relationships.
I say:
“I know my place in this family.”
And sometimes I’ll explain it like this:
“I know where my puzzle piece fits.”
Now, I’m not saying that in a negative way.
I’m actually saying it from a place of acceptance.
Because I’ve learned something that has made my life a whole lot easier:
I can’t control how other people behave.
I can’t control how they communicate.
I can’t control what they think.
I can’t control how they feel.
I can’t make someone more loving.
I can’t make someone more supportive.
I can’t make someone see a situation the way I see it.
And I definitely can’t make everybody show up the way I wish they would.
But I can control how I show up.
And knowing where my puzzle piece fits helps me do that.
What Does “Knowing Your Puzzle Piece” Mean?
For me, it means knowing the people around me well enough to understand the dynamics.
I know what I can expect from certain people.
I know what conversations are productive and which ones probably aren’t going anywhere.
I know who needs a little more space.
I know who takes certain things personally.
I know who jokes at other people’s expense.
I know who is sensitive.
I know who is going to turn something small into something much bigger.
I know when to speak.
I know when not to speak.
I know when to stay.
And I know when it’s time to leave.
That doesn’t mean I’m manipulating anybody.
It means I’m paying attention.
And more importantly…
I’m paying attention to myself.
Because knowing other people’s patterns is only half of it.
You also have to know your own triggers.
Knowing Your Triggers Changes Everything
This is something I’ve learned over time.
Sometimes the situation isn’t actually the problem.
Our reaction to the situation is where the real work is.
Have you ever had somebody say something that immediately changed your entire mood?
One comment.
One facial expression.
One tone.
One little jab.
And suddenly you’re irritated.
Now you’re replaying it in your head.
Why did they say that?
What did they mean by that?
Did they really just say that to me?
Should I have said something?
What should I say next time?
And now you’ve given that one moment the next three hours of your life.
I’ve done it.
And that’s where emotional awareness comes in.
Because once you understand your triggers, you can start asking yourself:
“Is this actually about me?”
Sometimes Their Behavior Has Nothing to Do With You
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say I know I have a family member who likes to use other people as the butt of the joke.
I already know that about them.
So if I’m around them and they make a comment about someone else, I’m not shocked.
I’m not sitting there thinking:
“Oh my goodness. Why would somebody say something like that?”
I already know where that puzzle piece fits.
And because I know that, I don’t have to get pulled into it.
I don’t have to laugh if I don’t think it’s funny.
I don’t have to defend the person.
I don’t have to start an argument.
I don’t have to make a speech about kindness.
And I don’t have to take the comment personally.
Because their desire to make someone else the butt of the joke is about them.
It doesn’t have to become my emotional experience.
I can simply observe it.
And sometimes?
I change the subject.
Sometimes I don’t engage.
Sometimes I limit how long I’m around the behavior.
And sometimes I simply leave.
That’s not me matching negative energy.
That’s me managing my own energy.
There’s a Difference Between Acceptance and Tolerance
And I think this distinction is important.
When I say I know where my puzzle piece fits, I’m not saying:
“Well, that’s just how they are, so I have to accept anything they do.”
No.
Knowing someone’s patterns doesn’t mean giving them unlimited access to you.
It means you stop expecting someone to behave differently simply because you wish they would.
That’s a very different thing.
I can accept that someone is the way they are and still decide what access they get to me.
I can love somebody and have boundaries.
I can be related to somebody and still limit certain conversations.
I can care about somebody and know that I don’t need to spend six hours around them.
I can understand someone’s personality without excusing their behavior.
And I can walk away from an interaction without needing to prove that I was right.
This Works Outside of Family, Too
And honestly, this isn’t just a family lesson.
This applies to almost every relationship you have.
Work.
Friendships.
Marriage.
Dating.
Parenting.
Neighbors.
Acquaintances.
You start learning that everybody has a different personality, communication style, tolerance level, trigger, and way of processing things.
And the more you understand people, the less surprised you become.
At work, maybe you know the coworker who always has something negative to say.
You don’t have to take every comment personally.
You can keep the conversation professional and keep moving.
Maybe you have a friend who needs to talk through everything.
You can listen without taking responsibility for solving every problem.
Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone who needs time to process before talking.
You can learn not to interpret their quietness as rejection.
Maybe you know someone who loves to debate.
You don’t have to accept every invitation to the debate club.
😂
Knowing people can help you manage your expectations.
And managing your expectations can save you a whole lot of unnecessary emotional energy.
Sometimes We Get Hurt Because We Expected Something Different
This is probably one of the harder lessons.
Sometimes we’re not upset because someone did something completely unexpected.
We’re upset because we were hoping they would finally do something differently.
We hoped they would understand.
We hoped they would apologize.
We hoped they would respond the way we would have responded.
We hoped they would be more considerate.
We hoped they would show up differently this time.
And when they don’t…
we’re disappointed all over again.
But what if part of emotional maturity is learning to see people for who they actually are?
Not who we wish they would be.
Not who we think they could become.
Not who they are on their best day.
Who they consistently show us they are.
That doesn’t mean you stop hoping people grow.
It means you stop building your emotional stability around the expectation that they will.
Your Job Is to Manage Your Side of the Street
I can’t make another person have emotional maturity.
But I can work on mine.
I can decide not to respond when I’m angry.
I can walk away before I say something I don’t mean.
I can recognize when I’m being triggered.
I can ask myself why something bothered me so much.
I can decide whether a conversation actually needs to happen.
I can apologize when I’m wrong.
I can stop trying to get people to understand something they have already decided they don’t want to understand.
And I can leave an interaction asking myself:
“Do I feel good about how I showed up?”
That question has become important to me.
Not:
Did they agree with me?
Not:
Did I win?
Not:
Did they finally understand my point?
Not:
Did I make them feel bad too?
But:
Did I show up in a way that I’m proud of?
Because I have to live with my behavior when the conversation is over.
You Don’t Have to Match Someone’s Energy
This is something I wish more people talked about.
You don’t have to match somebody’s attitude to prove that you aren’t weak.
You don’t have to become disrespectful because someone was disrespectful.
You don’t have to be loud because someone else is loud.
You don’t have to be cold because someone else is cold.
You don’t have to hurt somebody because they hurt you.
And you don’t have to participate in every emotional exchange you’re invited into.
Sometimes strength looks like saying what needs to be said.
Sometimes strength looks like setting a boundary.
Sometimes strength looks like leaving.
And sometimes strength looks like sitting quietly and realizing:
“This isn’t mine to carry.”
The Puzzle Piece Doesn’t Have to Change the Whole Puzzle
This is what I like about the puzzle analogy.
My job isn’t to rearrange everybody else’s pieces.
I don’t have to make somebody else’s piece fit where I want it to fit.
I don’t have to force closeness where there isn’t closeness.
I don’t have to force understanding where there isn’t understanding.
I don’t have to force a relationship to look like somebody else’s relationship.
I just need to understand my piece.
Where it fits.
Where it doesn’t.
What I bring to the table.
What I will and won’t accept.
What I can control.
What I need to work on.
And when I understand that, I can move through relationships with a little more clarity.
Not expecting everyone to be like me.
Not expecting everyone to love like me.
Not expecting everyone to communicate like me.
Not expecting everyone to react like me.
And not taking every person’s behavior as a personal assignment.
The Overthinker’s Reminder
Maybe emotional maturity isn’t about never being triggered.
Maybe it’s recognizing what triggers you and learning what to do with that feeling.
Maybe it’s understanding that someone else’s behavior doesn’t automatically require a reaction from you.
Maybe it’s learning people’s patterns without allowing those patterns to control your mood.
Maybe it’s managing your expectations instead of constantly being disappointed by reality.
And maybe it’s being able to walk away from an interaction knowing:
“I showed up as the person I wanted to be.”
That’s a powerful place to be.
Because you can’t control everybody else’s puzzle piece.
You can’t control how they fit into the bigger picture.
You can’t control whether they change.
But you can learn your piece.
You can learn your triggers.
You can learn your boundaries.
You can learn your reactions.
And you can decide how you want to show up.
A Note for Today
The next time somebody does something that gets under your skin, pause before you react.
Ask yourself:
Is this about me?
Is this something I need to address?
Or do I already know where this puzzle piece fits?
You don’t have to take everything personally.
You don’t have to fix everybody.
You don’t have to match negative energy.
And you don’t have to keep putting yourself in situations that consistently disturb your peace just because someone is family, a friend, a coworker, or someone you care about.
Know the people around you.
Know yourself even better.
Know your triggers.
Know your boundaries.
Know when to speak.
Know when to listen.
Know when to stay.
And most importantly…
know when it’s time to leave.
Because sometimes the healthiest thing you can do isn’t changing the entire puzzle.
I heard a line in a YouTube video recently that stopped me and had me overthinking.
A young woman was sharing how she rebuilt her life after divorce while navigating postpartum. She was talking about the challenges she faced, the responsibilities she carried, and the process of putting her life back together.
And then she said something that I believe was a word for the ages.
She said she had to learn that it’s okay to sit in a good moment, even when everything isn’t finished.
Let me say that again.
It’s okay to sit in a good moment, even when everything isn’t finished.
That is the kind of reminder you may need to write down, put on a sticky note, and revisit when life starts feeling like one long to-do list.
Because When Is Everything Ever Really Finished?
As someone who tends to overthink, plan, anticipate, and mentally prepare for the next thing, I understand how easy it is to overlook the moment you’re actually living in.
You’re enjoying your morning coffee, but you’re thinking about the laundry.
You’re having a good day, but you’re worried about the thing you haven’t figured out yet.
You’re laughing with your family, but part of your mind is somewhere else, making a list of everything that still needs to be handled.
You’re on vacation, but you’re thinking about what needs to be done when you get home.
And sometimes, even when things are going well, we struggle to fully enjoy them because we believe we need to finish everything first.
We tell ourselves:
“I’ll relax when the house is clean.”
“I’ll enjoy myself when my finances are in order.”
“I’ll celebrate when I reach my goal.”
“I’ll feel good when everything finally falls into place.”
But what if everything never completely falls into place?
What if there is always another bill, another responsibility, another goal, another decision, or another area of life that needs your attention?
Does that mean we should postpone our happiness indefinitely?
I don’t think so.
You Don’t Have to Earn Every Good Moment
There is a difference between acknowledging what still needs to be done and refusing to enjoy anything until it’s done.
You can have goals and still enjoy your current life.
You can be working on yourself and still appreciate who you are today.
You can be rebuilding your finances and still enjoy a nice dinner.
You can be navigating a difficult season and still laugh.
You can have an unfinished house, an unfinished plan, or an unfinished dream and still experience a beautiful moment.
The unfinished parts of your life do not disqualify you from enjoying the finished moments.
Read that again.
The fact that you still have work to do doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to experience joy.
Sometimes we act as if happiness is a reward we receive only after we’ve successfully completed every assignment life has given us.
But life isn’t a checklist that we get to finish before we’re permitted to live.
Everything Doesn’t Have to Be Complete for You to Feel Complete
This is the mental reminder I took from that woman’s words.
Things don’t have to be perfect for you to feel grateful.
Your life doesn’t have to look exactly how you imagined for you to appreciate what is good about it.
You don’t have to have every answer to enjoy the question you’re currently living through.
You can be in the middle of rebuilding and still recognize that something beautiful is happening.
You can be healing and still smile.
You can be growing and still rest.
You can be uncertain about the future and still enjoy today.
Your circumstances may be unfinished, but that doesn’t mean your life is without meaning, beauty, or joy.
And honestly, if we’re always waiting for the next milestone, we may miss the small moments that make the journey worth taking.
The quiet morning.
The unexpected phone call.
The meal that turned out better than expected.
The conversation that made you laugh.
The outfit that made you feel good.
The moment you realize you’re handling something today that once felt impossible.
Those moments deserve your attention, too.
Stop Waiting for Life to Be Perfect
There will always be something to improve, organize, fix, achieve, or figure out.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals. It doesn’t mean you stop being responsible or abandon the things that matter.
It simply means you learn how to work toward what you want without overlooking what you already have.
You can pursue a better life while appreciating the life you’re currently living.
You can want more without believing that what you have right now is worthless.
You can be ambitious and present.
You can be a work in progress and still enjoy the process.
Because the truth is, life isn’t just about reaching the destination.
It’s also about learning to recognize the moments along the way.
And if you spend your entire journey waiting for everything to be complete, you may miss the very life you’re working so hard to build.
The Overthinker’s Reminder
The next time you find yourself saying:
“I can’t enjoy this yet. I still have too much to do.”
Pause.
Look around.
Is there something good happening right now that you can allow yourself to experience?
Can you sit in the laughter without thinking about tomorrow?
Can you enjoy the accomplishment without immediately moving on to the next goal?
Can you let yourself rest without feeling guilty?
You don’t have to ignore your responsibilities.
You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect.
You simply have to give yourself permission to be present for the good moments, too.
Because you deserve to live your life while you’re building it.
A Note for Today
Everything doesn’t have to be finished for you to enjoy your life.
The laundry can wait.
The next goal can wait for a moment.
The unanswered question can remain unanswered for today.
Take the picture. Enjoy the meal. Laugh with your people. Sit in the sunshine. Celebrate the small win.
Let yourself experience the moment without requiring it to be perfect.
There will always be something else to do.
There will always be another goal to pursue.
There will always be another chapter to write.
So don’t spend so much time preparing for the life you want that you forget to enjoy the life you’re living.
It’s okay to sit in a good moment, even when everything isn’t finished.
